To My Son Who Is Graduating This Year

It hit me
This morning, while driving to work, it hit me hard. It hit me that you will be graduating in a couple months and that you will be moving on without me. I felt like I was having a mental breakdown due to the uncontrollable crying, anxiety and fear. Fear that you're not ready, fear that you won't know what to do in certain situations, fear that you won't call for help if you need it, and mainly fear that you no longer need me. 
All this time, It was me
I have a hard time letting you go, be on your own, and being that "Man" whom I will have spent 18 years preparing you to be. I thought this would be easy. I thought that I have prepared myself for this. All this time, I thought that you would be the one afraid of moving forward and that you wouldn't be ready just yet. I thought that you would be the one to break down and back out. However, I now realize that it's me who is afraid and just not ready. It's me who is breaking down and wanting to back out. It's me who just doesn't think it's fair and doesn't want it right now. 
I'm gonna miss this
There are so many things that I'm going to miss and some I already miss. Some things I would have never thought I'd miss.  Like how you would try to guilt me into making you a sandwich. You said "Mom, will you make me a sandwich?" I then replied "No, you are old enough to make your own sandwich." and then you said something I will now,never forget, you said "One day, I will be moved out and you're gonna miss making me sandwiches". I never knew, at that moment, that you would be absolutely correct. I do miss making you sandwiches. That's just one of the many, many things I miss. 
I will always be right here
Although you have already proved to me that you are capable of doing things on your own, I hope that you still need me as much as I need you. I remember so many times I held you when you were sad and corrected you when you were wrong. I remember how painful it was, for me, to show you tough love and teach you to accept that sometimes, life just isn't fair. Although you will be an adult, I hope you still run to me for guidance and support and that you know, I will always be here for you.
I'm proud of you
I hope that you know how proud of you I am. Being your mom has been my most rewarding achievement. I couldn't ask for a better son.  You have made me proud in your accomplishments the last 17 years and I know you will accomplish so much more. Even though I am sad and scared about you moving on, deep down I know that you will be just fine. I wish the very best for you on your new journey, you still have so much to learn. Remember to always be yourself,  I love you!!!





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